Budget Suites: The Decline Of Civilization

By Wilbur Fields

As most of you might have noticed our small town has had some big changes since it was founded. One of the more recent changes is the building of the hotel Budget Suites. Now, in dire situations I will stay at one of these “hotel” establishments, but in the case of Budget Suites I would rather sleep in a bed of broken glass, not only is Budget Suites a poor example of business ethics they also harbor many of the worst people this town has to offer. If you didn’t know, people live in Budget Suites! Yes, that is correct, the inhabitants of that structure tarnish the sanctity of our beautiful neighborhoods. You might ask yourself “Why would a person want to live full time in a Budget Suites?” Well the answer is more of a correction of the question; you see we aren’t dealing with people, we are dealing with something much worse, a lowly bottom feeding crowd of gluttonous, lazy, beasts that thrive on free maid service and the convenience of snack machines down the hall. You might think “Hey, its cheap to live there, they get free maid service, a safe parking lot, courtesy, snack machines down the halls, free ice, also free gym usage, that doesn’t sound that bad.” Oh but it is, they take full advantage of these rights and don’t really care about what other people think or do, in fact they purposefully dirty their rooms so that the maids must clean up. To me it appears that these heathens are scum, and only out to destroy the American dream of a house, kids, and a dog named Rover (did I mention no pets allowed?) these carpetbaggers will stop at nothing to deteriorate all of Western Civilization, they come here from the third world and try their hardest to use America’s resources and contribute nothing. I find it horrifying, because perhaps if this sort of lifestyle grows it popularity it
will become customary and thus those people out there living like me will be vicariouslyconverted through use of propaganda and empty promises made by the “suiters” Please help me in my personal crusade against the nihilistic way of living promoted by Budget Suites.