Gas Prices Cutting Into Mayors Cocaine Budget

Being the mayor of a town like the town I am mayor of isn’t easy. Being the mayor with an overwhelming cocaine addiction is even harder, but paying for this addiction with theserising gas prices is impossible! Here is a little math problem for you; to get to my dealer inPlano from my office in the old Food Lion in my 2005 Dodge Dakota it runs me anywherebetween seven dollars to twenty seven, depending on whether or not I hallucinate on theway and try to run down imaginary squirrels so that they don’t tell my secrets to the elvesthat live under my bed. Multiply that times the four to five trips a week that I make, and you can see that there is hardly enough tax payer money to pay for my gas plus my $20,000 a week cocaine habit. Gotta’ get that yayo bitch. A lot of people question the effectiveness of a mayor who is so high that he cannot even write his own name, But I think I hide my problems from my co-workers fairly well, I have the drugs inserted into the anus of a donkey, which I lead around city hall and my office by the testicles. Whenever anyone asks me about my odd behavior I threaten to have them executed, and their bodies hung from the cell tower, I mean flagpole outside. I would continue, but I have to go now because there is an eleven foot raccoon in the corner of my office beckoning me with fresh baked muffins.