A Day In The Life : TCPD Officer

By Joe Borkowski


My job is so hard. You may think a lot of people see the badge and the police squad car and think, “wow, that guy’s important”. In fact, what they really think is something like “I hate that motherfucker, quit following me”. I know they feel this way, I’m just trying to do my job, I wanted to let everyone know, I’m not a bad guy, I’m not. So I wrote this piece to show you that I’m human, just like everyone else, I want to take you through typical day in my life. I usually wake up around 8 a.m., my shift doesn’t start till 10 so this gives me a little time to go about my morning and prepare myself for a long day. I fix myself a bowl of King Vitamin wash it down with 3 shots of crown royal. I have a monarch themed breakfast. After about 30 minutes of sitting on the edge of my bed with my pistol in my mouth contemplating suicide, I get dressed for work and do a line of coke off my bedroom counter. Who’s gonna stop me, the cops? Hahaha, sorry, that’s just a little cop humor. I get in my squad car and check in, I’m officially on duty, there’s a lot of crime out there but I’m short on my ticket quota for the month so I’m gonna skulk around and wait for people to roll through stop signs on empty streets or catch people making left turns onto Main street from the Albertsons parking lot or something. I usually try to write between 35 and 40 tickets a day, that’s a lot of tickets and sometimes it’s hard to find that many people breaking the law, so what you have to do is make it up. For instance, I see this guy driving down John Yates, the speed limit is 35 and he’s driving about 34, but since there’s no speed limit sign posted, I flip on my lights pull him over, and tell him the speed limits 30, and for good measure, I say I clocked him at 85. Usually the guy gets out of hand and I’m able to write him another ticket for sassing an officer. You get the point though, it’s tricks
like that one that allow me to keep the streets of this town safe. All of this may sound a little boring to you, you may say, “Gee, I thought the life of a cop would be more exciting than that.” Well my friend, it is. Around 4 I usually head on down to TCHS and wait for kids to look at me funny, when they do I like to search their cars and generally hassle them, good times. Hold on, I’m getting a call on the radio, there’s some kids loitering at Bill Allen, I’llcontinue this next week.